I know I should bury her, but I can't for a lot of reasons I don't want to describe. I'm not sure why, exactly. I sat on a tire and stared at her body for hours today...baking hot in the sun. The heat is like nothing I've felt before. No thermometer, but has to be around 120 Fahrenheit. No storm clouds on the horizon and no reason to hope for rain.
The smell is more than I can describe. Invades the nostrils with a force. It stings. Her body bloats and the skin looks like a balloon, filled with meat and blown up to capacity. Curious. Hard to believe someone I loved used to reside inside that carcass...
Animals are at the fence whining. I think I will let them in and hope they go right after her and leave me be, too busy with the easy meal to worry about a fresh kill. They pace back and forth, ever behind the chain link as if they are the ones in a cage. But they are not. I am caged, trapped here, nowhere to go. They are free. And in their freedom they are doomed and dying. Rib cages clearly visible through flesh pulled taught and showing no sign of muscle or fat...how long since they last ate? How long before they turn on each other?
Part of me thinks denying anything a meal at this moment is cruelty at its zenith. Part of me wants something to be punished for her death. Maybe she's too rotten to eat. Let them eat her: they die too. Good. Part of me wants to see something else die.
I will wait another day and then commence the buffet. But that I will not watch. I will go inside and try not to hear them ripping her apart. When I return, there will be nothing left -- perhaps not even bone. They may take the bones with them. How long before I won't remember her at all? How long before the next tragedy?
I am going to try to sleep.
